Corrective lenses

I tried wearing contacts last month.

First, the doctor gives me these things that are supposed to approximate bifocals (I need progressive lenses in my dotage).

One eye is set for nearfield+intermediate range viewing.  The other eye is set for intermediate+farfield.

That scheme works about as well as it sounds, which is to say for shit.

I tried three other prescrips, a couple of which were OK for medium- to long-range vision, but all of which blew a goat for nearfield.

No contacts.  Physically, I ended up having no real issue sticking the things on my eyeballs, which surprised me a bit.  But functionally they do not work for me.

I have to wear glasses pretty near all the time.  Many of you have been wearing glasses your entire life, but I have not.  It is a new development for me.

I have three pairs of glasses at the moment.

1.  Silhouette Titan frames

I got these things when they were brand-new.  I was cutting-edge for about 8mos, at which point all the neocons in the Bush administration started wearing them.  I was in an eyeglass place yesterday, and I had occasion to bitch about this fact.  The guy told me he was the very dude who sold Donald Rumsfeld a pair.  He was apologetic.

Cutting-edge anything risks becoming dated once it has been accepted widely.

I am not sure if the Silhouette Titan has become a classic or a dinosaur.  All I know is:

• Donald Rumsfeld started wearing them

• Two coworkers have gotten them after seeing mine

The look is distinctive enough that I feel foolish looking through them at them on someone else’s face.

2.  Cheap single-vision ‘reader’-type that I got when I first started to need more nearfield correction

3.  Mykita frames with the full progressive lens action and Transition lenses

Transition lenses are the modern take on the old Photogrey lens, favorite of old men and dorks the world o’er.  The old Photogrey guys had a constant low-level tint to them.  Transitions are clear when they’re not doing any tinting.

My friend Andrew rued the loss of constant tint in Photogreys so much that he had special, slightly tinted lenses made for himself, to remind him of the old days.

Anyway, once again, I was a cutting-edge son of a bitch with these Mykita guys until Tom Cruise and a bunch of other people started wearing them.  Rick Bayless wears them.  They are the Silhouette Titan of the late 00s.  I know how to pick ’em.

So.  I have to wear glasses most of the time.  I have two pairs of frames that I liked when I got them that have since become trendy and therefore somewhat irritating to have on my face every day.

I’m fine wearing them some, but it is different when it is compulsory, and you are having to say ‘hey, check it out, I have trendy spectacles’ just by waking up in the morning and having to read things at some point in your day.

The sensible move to me seems to be to eliminate trends from the equation by using frames that are both classic and unobtrusive.

To wit, Shuron.

It is hard as a bastard to find plain wire frames, rimless or semi-rimless, that aren’t trying hard to be stylish.  The only ones I could find were Retrospecs, which are salvaged frames from the early to mid-20th century.  They cost about a million dollars each.

I found it tough to pull the trigger on them.

Closer inspection revealed the source of my reticence:  the Retrospecs frames I like are just old-ass Shuron frames, and Shuron is still well in business.

They are sending me four (!) demo frames of various sizes.  All I had to do was put one pair on my credit card.

I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES.